Monday, May 9, 2011

Full of Flavour

May 5th-7th
I attended the Flavour Conference 2011 in Grapevine, Texas.  I drove to Fellowship church.  The parking lot was full of cars.  A smiling, waving tribe of men guided my car to an available spot.  I got out.  The Texas heat was in full force.  I could feel the beginnings of sweat beads on the back of my neck and arm.  A man that looked like Lance Armstrong pulled up on a golf cart and asked if I wanted a ride.  Just say yes. “YES!” I moved towards the party cart.  It had a hot pink feather boa wrapped up in the top along with ribbons and bows.  Once inside, we glided through the rows of cars as smooth as peanut butter on bread.  The face of the church was cavernous and decorations were everywhere.  Greeters stood out front welcoming guests.  I usually don’t trust people that are soooo cheerful.  It seems to me that their merriment must be forced.  (Like when you are in sales and you want that sale so bad, you act like an angel but really that is not who you are)  I walked in and waited in line to get into the sanctuary.  The women in line looked like they were having fun.  Everyone had someone with them, a sister, mom, aunt, best friend etc.  The inside or “creamy filling” of the church truly was exquisite.  I couldn’t help admiring the sparkle and shine.  I was reminded of Mary Kay because there was such an abundance of pink, jewelry, and free gifts.  Mary Kay makes you feel like a princess but constantly asks for the sale.  This conference was full of things to buy and after each speaker, time would be devoted to reviewing items for sale. I wished I had taken more pains getting ready.  I felt plain and tall compared to all these stunning women.  I waited in line quietly, occasionally glancing down nervously at my phone.  A text appeared, my friend was at the entrance.  I walked out to see her.  We hugged and had our picture taken together.  She was dressed like me, blue jeans and a white “Flavour” Tshirt.  As we put on our Flavour bracelets and found our place in line, the doors opened.  We walked inside.  Let me state again for the record that pink and shiny lights were everywhere.  The large stage stood out prominently along with the 3 gargantuan screens.  Throughout this conference one was confronted with the omnipresence of media; whether watching the screens, getting twitterpated, befriending on facebook or being textually active.  On Thursday night the speaker was a blonde from the UK named Charlotte.  She strode onto the stage wearing black leggings, knee high 3 inch heel flesh colored boots and a simple dress cinched in around her tiny waist.  Her hair was in a pony tail.  When she smiled, I could hear the angels sing.  The main thing I recall her saying, “God is saying to you come back.  Start feet first.  What is your internal posture? You can’t just go.  You must be on your mark, then get set, then go.” The evening concluded with an after party. Women meandered whilst munching on free candy filled in their free cups.  They browsed the pieces of art that hung from the walls on the second floor of the church.  It was an auction.  You placed a bid and the proceeds went to stop human trafficking.  The art was impressive.  My friend’s favorite was a painting of the face of a child from Haiti.  A multitude of women exited the building that night full of candy, dreams and hearts warmed by the thought “God is at the table.”  Even through all my cynicism, I could feel God’s light.  I slept well that night.  Day 2, it was Friday and the session started at 9:30am.  My friend had to work so I went with the goal to absorb as much as I could to then regurgitate it back to her.  I found a seat in the middle of the auditorium sitting next to a cute bubbly blond named Katie.  She was very friendly.  Worship started with singing then a warmup activity.  A long dark haired man with a figure as plump as a bowl full of jelly jiggled onto the stage wearing a hideous frumpy jump suit.  With his ego fully intact, he declared his intentions to whip us into shape.  First we partnered up and took turns massaging the shoulders of the woman standing next to us.  Then, we warmed up the smile muscles by massaging the face.  Finally, we did the “bend and snap” (remember that move from Legally Blonde).  This fleshy man modeled the move with his back to us.  The large screens zoomed in on his butt.  It looked like someone had taken a permanent marker and written on the back of his jumpsuit, “Juicy.”  Everyone laughed.  It was funny.  The speaker during this session was a lady named Julie.  She was originally from Mississippi, but currently lives in Austin.  What’s that saying, you can take the girl out of the cheer squad but not the cheerleader out of the girl?  Julie literally jumped onstage.  Whilst speaking, her hands flailed about with the intensity of a person trying to flag down a taxi. Her speech reminded one of the country.  I am talking country where you’ve got woods and completely dark nights... country where you slap them pesky skeeters that keep bitin’ ya.  Dang it!  Julie had shoulder length dirt brown hair.  She told us about her “near Oprah” experience.  When Julie turned 40, she decided that it was high time to act like a grown up.  To mark this milestone, she decided to have a chemical peel.  She took the bull by the horns and booked an appointment.  When in the chair, she could feel the skin on her face start to burn.  The pain of this sensation was so sharp and pointed that her thoughts ran like this, “My face is burning off!  How can this woman do this to me!  It hurts.  I am gonna have no face left.  Sweet Jesus, please don’t let my face burn off!  ...but if it is part of your vision for me to have my face burned off then let your will be done!  Ouch!  (the attendant walked out of the room) Where is she going?  I bet she’s going to get the attorney because she know’s I’m gonna sue her since she burned my face off.  What am I gonna do?  How am I going to minister with no face?  She’s gonna come back in here with her attorney and I am gonna tell her, I forgive you.  Then, my story is gonna be on the news......Burned, Christian woman forgives the person that stole her face....and Oprah is gonna hear my story and ask me to come on her show.  Then I will tell her what happened, the excruciating pain.  I will tell Oprah how the woman recognized her mistake and I forgave her.  Suddenly Julie’s daydream is shattered when the attendant walks back into the room.  The woman says, “You’re all done.”  Julie felt disenchanted, what no Oprah?  The highlights of Julie’s talk (in my opinion)...God what’s my story? How are you gonna use me?  Don’t look around and compare yourself, instead go straight to the author/artist...When do we stop dreaming?  Life knocks it out of us.  God has a wide, expansive life for me.  Everyday recite this cheer... I’m his child, made in his image, I’ll do things his way because together we are awesome!! Later on, like in the show “The View,” the speakers assembled onstage for Q & A.  How does one juggle being a mom, a wife and being a minister?  Charlotte answered, “by keeping the joy. When I become joyless I start flapping my wings, struggling...”  How does one recapture joy? Charlotte said, “We put joy in things or in a result.  Joy is in him.  Take a step back and reflect on what is God’s vision for my life. Life is full of valleys.  Feelings lie.  Joy is not a feeling. It is a discipline of life.”  How does one deal with social injustices?  “Pray God break my heart for the things that break yours.” Jesus wasn’t religious, he was relational.  Put a name on suffering, then it’s personal.  Changing the world starts with saving one life.  We took a break for lunch and afterward were allowed some free time.  Later that evening Session 4 began but I was not there.  My friend had to take notes for me this time.  I went to watch the Rangers get beat accompanying the-loudest-and-most-obnoxious-Yankee-that-ever-was at the Ballpark in Arlington.  Anyhoo, back to my story, Saturday was the final day of the conference.  I waltzed in holding my grande Americano from Starbucks.  The pastor’s wife Lisa spoke to the crowd.  She looked like the queen bee, fashionably dressed and draped with sparkling jewels. Lisa preached. Her story was about her own struggle as a woman of faith.  She touched upon Wilbur and Orville Wright. The brothers who invented the first airplane.  Lisa was not as charismatic as the other speakers but she sure did sparkle.  Some women look more attractive from afar.  Lisa attracts from afar and became increasingly dazzling up close.  I teared up twice during this lovefest/conference.  I couldn’t help it.  Crying can be a release.  It is healthy in moderation. The important thing is not to live your life from that sad place.  I left the conference feeling refreshed, like renewing my relationship with God.  I stepped into the sun, walked to my car impressed by this sense of hope and gratitude.  The women who placed bids ended up raising a total of $2500 dollars that goes to stop human trafficking.  What a blessing.  Amen!


It’s a good day, at Flavour conference
Full of bidding and candy too
Smiles, sales and sisters everywhere
Lovin God and Jesus too, yeah yeah
And voices proclaim inspirational messages
There’s a British Charlotte, Texans too
Lisa Young was hostess with the mostess
We sang, prayed and worshiped God
And I’m free, free flyin, flyin
And I’m free, free flyin, flyin
Life has many shadows and valleys
We look around and compare
Instead of going straight to the artist
Feet first, on your mark, get set, go
And I’m free, free flyin, flyin
And I’m free, free flyin, flyin
I am a child of God, made in his image...
I will do things his way, because
Together we are awesome
Break my heart for the things that break yours
Come with me, free flyin, flyin
Now I’m free, free flyin, flyin
Can’t you see, free flyin, flyin
I will be, free flyin, flyin