Chaos Never Dies

Shall I come out of the closet and confess my true feelings? Honest to blog, I dislike Christmas shopping.  I realized the other day that this is November.  Most people associate this month with Thanksgiving (with good reason), but there are other unrecognized days that exist.  November 9th is Chaos Never Dies day.  Today draws attention to the sheer volume of clutter and turmoil in our lives.  In addition to all that we normally juggle, now it’s time to think about gift giving.  Unfortunately in this modern society, people don’t want Frankincense or Myrrh (like the wise men gave to baby Jesus).  I wish I could give the gift of truth and justice or love and hope, but alas I don’t have that kind of power.  I’m not a fairy godmother and this isn’t a Disney movie.  I carved a pumpkin for the first time in my life.  With my knife in hand, I prayed this short prayer before commencing with the carving. “I believe in the Grand Pumpkin, almighty gourd, who was crustified over Pontius pie plate and ascended into oven.  Whence ascended and sitteth on the table and for the seeds, the shell, the pulp I give thanks. amen.”  My gourd carving adventure ended happily.  As tribute, in honor of the pumpkin that died so that I could express myself artistically, I baked pumpkin cornbread muffins.  I drove to Dallas yesterday to meet my good friend at Whole Foods.  We browsed the multitude of eats, proceeded to check out, then gobbled our grub.  I rarely make it to Dallas.  Why?  DUH, because chaos never dies!!  How does your turmoil look these days?  Turmoil can look like a phone that never works, like a blonde with long legs that never calls you back..it can look like a traffic jam, or a sweet chihuahua that has gum disease and needs her teeth brushed every day...on that note I hope you have a memorable-holy-mess-kind of day!  Cheers

birthday

It is the anniversary of the day of my birth.  My parents have already called to sing a comical version of the happy birthday song.  (I always look forward to that)  I will work today, more than likely performing the silent version of myself.  I can’t shake a sense of melancholy.  33.  Last night I went to the dogpark with Pooh, and I was able to cast off my gloom and feel cheerful for a minute.  If you ever got the impression that I’m an odd bird, pat yourself on the back, because you are correct.  The evidence supporting that conclusion is that recently I joined a married couples with kids Sunday school class.  I was invited to the class before they knew my status.  The first visit upon learning of my status, I thought they’d boot me out for sure.  Excuse me, I think you’d be more comfortable in the single-with-no-kids class down the hall.  But they surprised me by making me feel very welcome.  It is weird sitting in class sometimes because I’m reminded of being different.  I have always been unique, but in a good way.  Happy moments... Occasionally my store will be visited by two little dudes, Chase and Oliver, they are in 6th and 7th grade.  They ride their bikes up there and come inside for a cup of water.  Whenever they see me their faces light up.  I ask them about school and we talk.  I mainly ask them questions and listen.  (Kids are sometimes shy about sharing their opinions.) There is also another girl who comes in a lot.  She’s in 9th grade.  I think the world of her.  I love that she is generous with giving out smiles.  The other day, I told her “I would love to be a teacher just to have a classroom filled with 25 people just like you.”  I went to a party a couple of weekends ago.  It was not ideal.  My idea of the “perfect party” involves a bathroom with toilet paper AND hand soap.  I just don’t relax well, when I know that germs are freely flowing from person to person with nothing to stop them.  I saw a guy I used to work with and I said hello. We talked for a bit.  He knew everyone at the party, but he wanted to jump on the trampoline with me. (so he could go back to work the next day and say I bounced with Leigh last night and it was awesome)  It made me feel good to be singled out like that, so of course I jumped.  Mind you I’m not used to jumping on a trampoline by myself so with another person added it was tricky.  I screamed to high heaven a couple of times.  My right foot landed at odd angles so that by the end of the experience my skin burned and appeared black like it had been beaten.  I limped back to my chair and said goodbye to my friend.  Even though there was no hand soap and my right foot hurt like hell, this experience made me smile.  

9/11 and searching

The anniversary of September 11th has come and gone.  Ten years ago, when the two towers fell I was at home looking for a job.  I had recently graduated from UNT.  I was 22, newly single and driving a Mercury Villager minivan.  I know what you’re thinking, driving a minivan is hot.  Well, you are wrong.  It is not, but just like a squirrel in the suburbs...you adapt.  I remember watching the news coverage and how my brain could not fathom that it was real.  I recall being grateful that I was safe, sheltered at my parents house and not in New York City.  My heart did feel compassion for my fellow Americans though.  Pain and death are a part of life, but it is staggering to witness on such a large scale, and so abruptly.  Sometimes I will hear people talk about their complaints or grievances about life.  My response is usually, “Hey, at least you are not a polar bear.  They are dying.  One mother bear swam nonstop for nine days on her search for food, her cub died and she lost 100 pounds.  How would you like to switch your problems for hers?”  One of my favorite writers is Annie Dillard, she wrote, “We are morale creatures living in an immoral world.”  We always react with shock and alarm when we feel we have been wronged.  I feel it is important to stay positive, even though deep down... I expect to be thrown under the bus or eaten by a pack of wild chinchillas.  Yesterday, I visited the kind of environment that a respectable chinchilla might call home.  I’ve been interested in learning more about search and rescue teams for a while.  A local K-9 search and rescue team allowed me to visit one of their training sessions.  I have a lot of respect for the rigorous training that canines and their handlers go through.  I pulled up in my tiny marshmallow car at this remote location.  Every inch of my bod was covered by dark fabric.  Even though I was excited to be there, I did not want to take any of that experience home with me (like in the form of a tick or snake bite).  I was wearing my royal blue Mavericks NBA champions T shirt so I stuck out amongst this sea of orange.  When I got out of my car, I walked over to this gathering.  A group of about 30 retired people, with receding hair lines and limited hearing stood around in orange T shirts, safari pants and severe, knee length black boots.  They all had hats on and were constantly wiping the sweat off their faces.  Nothing about this experience was glamorous.  I observed the training of air scent, trailing, tracking and HR dogs.  When I hear HR my mind goes to human resources, but in this context, HR means human remains.  When each dog finds their target they are rewarded: trailing and tracking dogs get an edible treat, while HR and air scent dogs get a to play with a much-loved toy.  I was surrounded by “dog people” yet I was the only one that is a certified chihuahua handler.  My least favorite part of the experience was time spent in the woods.  I had to push prickly branches out of my face, crouch down under tree limbs, be alert to where I was stepping and keep up with the pace of this air scent team.  At one point, one of the team members a sweaty, burly man looked at me and said, “You are not allergic to poison ivy are you?”  I said, “I don’t think so, but I would prefer to avoid the plant.”  He moved his arm in a wide circle and said, “all this is poison ivy.”  A couple of minutes later lightning was visible in a distant part of the sky, so we aborted our mission.  We returned to base.  I got some friendly advice on poison ivy before I left.  The woman asked about how I liked training. I confessed, “I don’t really like the woods.”  She said, “Well, this might not be for you then.  When you go through training you are in the woods for 8 months.”  I drove off, proud that I tried it, but determined never to go again.  At home, as advised, I washed my clothes and took a cold shower.  Hopefully, I won’t experience any itchiness.  I’m just not cut out to be a search and rescue person.

Wild Ocean

This weekend I watched a positive, upbeat IMAX film called Wild Ocean.  It's a documentary that follows the sardines as they migrate along the KwaZulu-Natal Coast.  Sardines and predators fight to survive.  The live action sequences were accompanied by rhythmic beats from native drums.  I carried a towel in my purse just in case this movie turned out to be a tear jerker. You never know.  They might have shot all the dolphins in the back and then laughed about it.  I bet the director is a man and it is unwise to invest a lot of hope in men. (my humble opinion) So, I expected the worst, but was delighted when it ended up being uplifting and full of hope.  I have so much respect and admiration for dolphins.  Animals are so much more in touch with their instincts than us humans.  No wonder when these unfortunate natural circumstances occur like drought, hurricanes, earthquakes.. animals see it coming before we do.  They live 100% in the now.  We live 60% in our head, 20% texting and 20% on Facebook.  The urgent current of instinct flows and the dolphins follow it.  What a harsh and yet exciting existence.  If I spoke the language of the dolphin I might even ask one... “Do you believe in inter-species dating?  I know I’m not tan.  I’m fair skinned.  I realize that I can’t swim... I’m afraid I’ll drown, but I would still like to get to know you Mr. Dolphin.  What was your name again?”  See, I just proved my point.  I’m in my head, not focused on the here and now.  To the other humans that read this post, I would say to you goodluck, and goodbye. 


http://www.bigmoviezone.com/filmsearch/movies/index.html?uniq=489

Hello

I love caramel flavored iced Via.  I drink it stirred, on the rocks, with a splash of breve.  I’m listening to Janet Jackson Rhythm Nation.  I glisten regularly due to this massive heat wave.  I love wedding cake snow cones.  I talked to Jared tonight.  Unfortunately, he had a date with a soft ferret.  I have been reading The Power by Rhonda Byrne.  Currently, my favorite quote is from Albert Einstein, “A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.”  There is not much I can say about my life, other than, I am trying to exert myself, to push forward.  Some nights I wish I were in love, like tonight.  Little baby gets baptized on Sunday.  I am excited.  I love being an aunt.  I love my short highlighted hair.  It makes me feel lighter.  When I talked to my boss this week, I started to cry.  I only did it because this weight has been pressing against my chest, my heart.  I felt better after.  Luckily life goes on.  My mom visited Lynda Carter this week.  Do you remember Lynda Carter as wonder woman?  I made a card for my mom to give Lynda.  She loved it.  Nice...

Red White and Blue

For the 4th of July, I acted very American.  I consumed a homemade hamburger.  I can’t remember how long it has been since I’ve done that.  Furthermore, I visited friends.  We sat on a sofa and watched Princess Bride.  Then, I discussed the pros and cons of Pokemon with a charismatic 10 year old.  My friends and I watched fireworks on lawn chairs while munching on ham and mayonnaise sandwiches.  I had so much fun that I found myself wanting to celebrate independence again today.  Do you like tea? I do.  I bet if Earl Gray were a man he’d be hot.  Today, a guy came in to work wearing a Canada T shirt.  I told him that I would love to visit Prince Edward Island and not to see a prince either.  I would visit to see the place Anne Shirley grew up.  Anne Shirley is my ultimate favorite fictional character.  She is the bombdiggity.

The Reunion

In less than 24 hours there was to be a collision of forces.  A force is any influence that causes a free body to undergo a change in direction.  So it was, that on Friday several free bodies began to move in the direction of Hallsville, Texas.  We are bound to make this annual trek just like electrons of an atom are bound to the nucleaus.  I was noticeably charged up at work.  I had my suitcase packed and ready to go in my car.  Once dad arrived we were off.  First stop, Richardson to pick up my brother-in-law.  We did not get out of Dallas until 6pm.  On the road, I ignored the bone dry pastures, instead paid attention to my book.  I’ve been reading Barbara Kingsolver’s The Lacuna.  The sun was setting, thereby directing soft light on everything.  As we approached East Texas, I was excited to see the trees change from short, flower-bearing angiosperms to tall, cone-bearing conifers.  We arrived in Longview around 8:30pm and quickly evacuated the vehicle.  My legs had been sleeping and they tingled as they regained consciousness.  Inside the house, I saw the smiling faces of my sister, mother, grandmother and grandad.  Commenting on my braids, my sister exclaimed, “Hello Heidi!”  We passed around hugs and kisses before sitting down to eat a light supper.  My grandparents grow increasingly frail each time I see them.  We went to bed soon.  The journey had zapped us of energy and we needed to recharge.  I slept on the sofa in the front room surrounded by mirrors, polished wood, curtains, glass and crystal.  I always feel like a princess visiting this house on Willow Oak.  I dreamed as I slept.  My dream was not pleasant.  I awoke to voices whispering in the den.  Sound travels easily through the thin wall that separates the two rooms.  It was my grandparents.  They are always the first ones up.  I shut my eyes.  I did not get up until I could hear many voices present in the other room.  I noticed baby immediately.  He looked bright eyed, bushy tailed, full of smiles and cooing sounds.  I held him.  His skin is so soft.  Coffee drinking began and spread rapidly like a wild fire.  Fortunately, it was Starbucks Christmas blend because I don’t drink community coffee.  Grandad picked up his great grandson and took him outside to watch the squirrels.  We dined on a simple breakfast of cereal and muffins.  At 10am, we left to go to the reunion.  We navigated through the streets of Longview until we arrived at Super 1 Foods.  Apparently, it is impolite to attend a reunion without bringing fried chicken.  Once we had acquired this cooked bird, we drove to Hallsville in an astonishing 15 minutes.  Some towns are memorable, this one is not.  The water tower is about the size of a large TV.  In a white community center,  two families collided: the Singletons and the Langfords.   Seventy free bodies drifted inside... some alone, some attached and signed in.  Name tags encouraged conversation.  It is natural behavior for mammals to first establish and mark territory.  Consequently, we found a spot at the end of one of the tables to call our own.  I am such an odd bird, at times outgoing and at times withdrawn.  I was mostly quiet, but there was a microphone and a stage.  I looked longingly at the microphone.  I knew in 15 steps or less I could be up onstage, talking, beaming my forceful personality down upon these unsuspecting life forms.  My inner critic reminded me that that action would be inappropriate.  I think too much.  I sat there observing, reading nonverbal communication.  I felt like I was in junior high again (minus the pimples) looking around for where I belong.  It is hard to be different.  AJ was a sensation.  He doesn’t talk, but his facial expressions entertain and delight.  We blessed the food, then ate.  I waited until the line died down.  The food was good.  I was too full for dessert.  The teenagers sat together.  They were busy typing text messages on their phones.  My smart phone had been playing dead ever since we arrived in East Texas.  I have TMobile and it said no service.  No cellphone service is extremely annoying.  Seeing these teenyboppers texting left me feeling bewildered and betrayed.  Instead of seething, I got up and walked outside.  There was a park across the street.  My sister was already there.  I started swinging.  The heat from the sun was powerful, like a bully that keeps applying pressure.  The back and forth movement of the swing combined with the heat, left me feeling dizzy and nauseous. I rested on a bench before retreating inside.  We stayed one more hour.  Finally, our caravan departed: two vehicles carrying our party of 8.  Once we arrived back in Longview, we rested.  Happy hour is mandatory in my family.  I tried mead for the first time.  It’s a fermented beverage made of water, honey, malt and yeast.  I can recall hearing mention of it in stories.  I think Friar Tuck drank mead with Robin Hood’s Merry Men.  I was not impressed with the taste, but I’m glad I tried it.  It was an exciting conclusion to an eventful day.