9/11 and searching

The anniversary of September 11th has come and gone.  Ten years ago, when the two towers fell I was at home looking for a job.  I had recently graduated from UNT.  I was 22, newly single and driving a Mercury Villager minivan.  I know what you’re thinking, driving a minivan is hot.  Well, you are wrong.  It is not, but just like a squirrel in the suburbs...you adapt.  I remember watching the news coverage and how my brain could not fathom that it was real.  I recall being grateful that I was safe, sheltered at my parents house and not in New York City.  My heart did feel compassion for my fellow Americans though.  Pain and death are a part of life, but it is staggering to witness on such a large scale, and so abruptly.  Sometimes I will hear people talk about their complaints or grievances about life.  My response is usually, “Hey, at least you are not a polar bear.  They are dying.  One mother bear swam nonstop for nine days on her search for food, her cub died and she lost 100 pounds.  How would you like to switch your problems for hers?”  One of my favorite writers is Annie Dillard, she wrote, “We are morale creatures living in an immoral world.”  We always react with shock and alarm when we feel we have been wronged.  I feel it is important to stay positive, even though deep down... I expect to be thrown under the bus or eaten by a pack of wild chinchillas.  Yesterday, I visited the kind of environment that a respectable chinchilla might call home.  I’ve been interested in learning more about search and rescue teams for a while.  A local K-9 search and rescue team allowed me to visit one of their training sessions.  I have a lot of respect for the rigorous training that canines and their handlers go through.  I pulled up in my tiny marshmallow car at this remote location.  Every inch of my bod was covered by dark fabric.  Even though I was excited to be there, I did not want to take any of that experience home with me (like in the form of a tick or snake bite).  I was wearing my royal blue Mavericks NBA champions T shirt so I stuck out amongst this sea of orange.  When I got out of my car, I walked over to this gathering.  A group of about 30 retired people, with receding hair lines and limited hearing stood around in orange T shirts, safari pants and severe, knee length black boots.  They all had hats on and were constantly wiping the sweat off their faces.  Nothing about this experience was glamorous.  I observed the training of air scent, trailing, tracking and HR dogs.  When I hear HR my mind goes to human resources, but in this context, HR means human remains.  When each dog finds their target they are rewarded: trailing and tracking dogs get an edible treat, while HR and air scent dogs get a to play with a much-loved toy.  I was surrounded by “dog people” yet I was the only one that is a certified chihuahua handler.  My least favorite part of the experience was time spent in the woods.  I had to push prickly branches out of my face, crouch down under tree limbs, be alert to where I was stepping and keep up with the pace of this air scent team.  At one point, one of the team members a sweaty, burly man looked at me and said, “You are not allergic to poison ivy are you?”  I said, “I don’t think so, but I would prefer to avoid the plant.”  He moved his arm in a wide circle and said, “all this is poison ivy.”  A couple of minutes later lightning was visible in a distant part of the sky, so we aborted our mission.  We returned to base.  I got some friendly advice on poison ivy before I left.  The woman asked about how I liked training. I confessed, “I don’t really like the woods.”  She said, “Well, this might not be for you then.  When you go through training you are in the woods for 8 months.”  I drove off, proud that I tried it, but determined never to go again.  At home, as advised, I washed my clothes and took a cold shower.  Hopefully, I won’t experience any itchiness.  I’m just not cut out to be a search and rescue person.

Wild Ocean

This weekend I watched a positive, upbeat IMAX film called Wild Ocean.  It's a documentary that follows the sardines as they migrate along the KwaZulu-Natal Coast.  Sardines and predators fight to survive.  The live action sequences were accompanied by rhythmic beats from native drums.  I carried a towel in my purse just in case this movie turned out to be a tear jerker. You never know.  They might have shot all the dolphins in the back and then laughed about it.  I bet the director is a man and it is unwise to invest a lot of hope in men. (my humble opinion) So, I expected the worst, but was delighted when it ended up being uplifting and full of hope.  I have so much respect and admiration for dolphins.  Animals are so much more in touch with their instincts than us humans.  No wonder when these unfortunate natural circumstances occur like drought, hurricanes, earthquakes.. animals see it coming before we do.  They live 100% in the now.  We live 60% in our head, 20% texting and 20% on Facebook.  The urgent current of instinct flows and the dolphins follow it.  What a harsh and yet exciting existence.  If I spoke the language of the dolphin I might even ask one... “Do you believe in inter-species dating?  I know I’m not tan.  I’m fair skinned.  I realize that I can’t swim... I’m afraid I’ll drown, but I would still like to get to know you Mr. Dolphin.  What was your name again?”  See, I just proved my point.  I’m in my head, not focused on the here and now.  To the other humans that read this post, I would say to you goodluck, and goodbye. 


http://www.bigmoviezone.com/filmsearch/movies/index.html?uniq=489

Hello

I love caramel flavored iced Via.  I drink it stirred, on the rocks, with a splash of breve.  I’m listening to Janet Jackson Rhythm Nation.  I glisten regularly due to this massive heat wave.  I love wedding cake snow cones.  I talked to Jared tonight.  Unfortunately, he had a date with a soft ferret.  I have been reading The Power by Rhonda Byrne.  Currently, my favorite quote is from Albert Einstein, “A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.”  There is not much I can say about my life, other than, I am trying to exert myself, to push forward.  Some nights I wish I were in love, like tonight.  Little baby gets baptized on Sunday.  I am excited.  I love being an aunt.  I love my short highlighted hair.  It makes me feel lighter.  When I talked to my boss this week, I started to cry.  I only did it because this weight has been pressing against my chest, my heart.  I felt better after.  Luckily life goes on.  My mom visited Lynda Carter this week.  Do you remember Lynda Carter as wonder woman?  I made a card for my mom to give Lynda.  She loved it.  Nice...

Red White and Blue

For the 4th of July, I acted very American.  I consumed a homemade hamburger.  I can’t remember how long it has been since I’ve done that.  Furthermore, I visited friends.  We sat on a sofa and watched Princess Bride.  Then, I discussed the pros and cons of Pokemon with a charismatic 10 year old.  My friends and I watched fireworks on lawn chairs while munching on ham and mayonnaise sandwiches.  I had so much fun that I found myself wanting to celebrate independence again today.  Do you like tea? I do.  I bet if Earl Gray were a man he’d be hot.  Today, a guy came in to work wearing a Canada T shirt.  I told him that I would love to visit Prince Edward Island and not to see a prince either.  I would visit to see the place Anne Shirley grew up.  Anne Shirley is my ultimate favorite fictional character.  She is the bombdiggity.

The Reunion

In less than 24 hours there was to be a collision of forces.  A force is any influence that causes a free body to undergo a change in direction.  So it was, that on Friday several free bodies began to move in the direction of Hallsville, Texas.  We are bound to make this annual trek just like electrons of an atom are bound to the nucleaus.  I was noticeably charged up at work.  I had my suitcase packed and ready to go in my car.  Once dad arrived we were off.  First stop, Richardson to pick up my brother-in-law.  We did not get out of Dallas until 6pm.  On the road, I ignored the bone dry pastures, instead paid attention to my book.  I’ve been reading Barbara Kingsolver’s The Lacuna.  The sun was setting, thereby directing soft light on everything.  As we approached East Texas, I was excited to see the trees change from short, flower-bearing angiosperms to tall, cone-bearing conifers.  We arrived in Longview around 8:30pm and quickly evacuated the vehicle.  My legs had been sleeping and they tingled as they regained consciousness.  Inside the house, I saw the smiling faces of my sister, mother, grandmother and grandad.  Commenting on my braids, my sister exclaimed, “Hello Heidi!”  We passed around hugs and kisses before sitting down to eat a light supper.  My grandparents grow increasingly frail each time I see them.  We went to bed soon.  The journey had zapped us of energy and we needed to recharge.  I slept on the sofa in the front room surrounded by mirrors, polished wood, curtains, glass and crystal.  I always feel like a princess visiting this house on Willow Oak.  I dreamed as I slept.  My dream was not pleasant.  I awoke to voices whispering in the den.  Sound travels easily through the thin wall that separates the two rooms.  It was my grandparents.  They are always the first ones up.  I shut my eyes.  I did not get up until I could hear many voices present in the other room.  I noticed baby immediately.  He looked bright eyed, bushy tailed, full of smiles and cooing sounds.  I held him.  His skin is so soft.  Coffee drinking began and spread rapidly like a wild fire.  Fortunately, it was Starbucks Christmas blend because I don’t drink community coffee.  Grandad picked up his great grandson and took him outside to watch the squirrels.  We dined on a simple breakfast of cereal and muffins.  At 10am, we left to go to the reunion.  We navigated through the streets of Longview until we arrived at Super 1 Foods.  Apparently, it is impolite to attend a reunion without bringing fried chicken.  Once we had acquired this cooked bird, we drove to Hallsville in an astonishing 15 minutes.  Some towns are memorable, this one is not.  The water tower is about the size of a large TV.  In a white community center,  two families collided: the Singletons and the Langfords.   Seventy free bodies drifted inside... some alone, some attached and signed in.  Name tags encouraged conversation.  It is natural behavior for mammals to first establish and mark territory.  Consequently, we found a spot at the end of one of the tables to call our own.  I am such an odd bird, at times outgoing and at times withdrawn.  I was mostly quiet, but there was a microphone and a stage.  I looked longingly at the microphone.  I knew in 15 steps or less I could be up onstage, talking, beaming my forceful personality down upon these unsuspecting life forms.  My inner critic reminded me that that action would be inappropriate.  I think too much.  I sat there observing, reading nonverbal communication.  I felt like I was in junior high again (minus the pimples) looking around for where I belong.  It is hard to be different.  AJ was a sensation.  He doesn’t talk, but his facial expressions entertain and delight.  We blessed the food, then ate.  I waited until the line died down.  The food was good.  I was too full for dessert.  The teenagers sat together.  They were busy typing text messages on their phones.  My smart phone had been playing dead ever since we arrived in East Texas.  I have TMobile and it said no service.  No cellphone service is extremely annoying.  Seeing these teenyboppers texting left me feeling bewildered and betrayed.  Instead of seething, I got up and walked outside.  There was a park across the street.  My sister was already there.  I started swinging.  The heat from the sun was powerful, like a bully that keeps applying pressure.  The back and forth movement of the swing combined with the heat, left me feeling dizzy and nauseous. I rested on a bench before retreating inside.  We stayed one more hour.  Finally, our caravan departed: two vehicles carrying our party of 8.  Once we arrived back in Longview, we rested.  Happy hour is mandatory in my family.  I tried mead for the first time.  It’s a fermented beverage made of water, honey, malt and yeast.  I can recall hearing mention of it in stories.  I think Friar Tuck drank mead with Robin Hood’s Merry Men.  I was not impressed with the taste, but I’m glad I tried it.  It was an exciting conclusion to an eventful day.

Monetarily Speaking

Why is it that everywhere you go, signs, businesses and people ask for money?  I can be checking out at the grocery store, sitting in church, driving or even sleeping.  Most people/places/things want my money.  It can be in the middle of the night, my phone lights up and jingles letting me know I have a message.  I open my eyes, scroll down to see I have a new email from Victoria’s Secret trying to get me to spend money on a new bra or whatever.  I get more contact from vendors trying to make a sale than I get from my own friends.  It pisses me off.  I know I am not the only person affected by this, but I resent the intrusion.  One must be relentlessly hardcore and focused to build up a savings account.  I would consider supporting a cause if they supported me.  Would you like to donate money to the fund for orphans?  (anytime someone asks me for money, I throw the question back in their face)... Are these orphan children in a place where they can support me?  At that point, the conversation usually dies and I gather my groceries and leave the premises.  These are difficult times.  You must try to save, but then realize that life is short, so have some fun too!  I had a person say to me the other day, hey did you get off facebook?  Yes.  You should have let everyone know.  I wanted to say my real friends could have called and asked, but I kept my thought to myself.  I got off facebook because I tire of pretending that my ‘friends’ on facebook are real.  A real friend calls you to talk, knows when you are upset and likes to hang out in person whenever the schedule allows it.  I was at the ballpark the other day and several girls present were looking down at their phones, their hands busy pushing buttons in the act of texting.  I had turned my phone off.  I allowed myself no distractions from the present moment.  I guess it makes me sad to think of all the moments in the day that people lose, moments where they could connect in a real way with people around them, but instead they ignore the real world and fix their gaze upon their phones.  I cannot say I am against texting.  I do text.  I try to do it at appropriate times though.  So the moral of this story is save your money, call your friends, and don’t be so caught up in your phone that you miss opportunities!

Birthday for Pooh

It was a bright and beautiful day from the get go.  The cheerful sound of birds chirping in the trees.  Pooh ran faster than a jackrabbit while we were exploring a local park. Afterwards, I tasted the moose with my gal pal.  This private selection ice cream blend was packed with flavor.  Explosions of dark chocolate competed to dominate our taste buds.  Suddenly, out of the darkness, a surprise attack by smooth caramel enhanced by crunchiness.  We took turns alternating between grabbing spoonfuls of yummy and giggling like school girls.  Smiling, we stood there sucking the cream off our utensils until all of it was gone.  Call it a labor of love... Pooh turned 7 years old.  She has reached midlife with no crisis.  We are going to throw a party in her honor on Friday.  I can’t help remembering her as a puppy, how adorable she was.  I would not trade my memories of her puppyhood for a million dollars.  Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night and she was right in my face, looking at me with her large round eyes.  I smiled and she kissed my nose.  Pooh’s life is definitely impacted by the pull of bed gravity.  She sleeps a lot.    She does not engage in premarital texting behavior like a lot of teenagers do.  I am proud of that fact.  I tried to raise her to be the best chihuahua ever.  She is good looking, smart, funny, makes great eye contact, and loves to have her belly scratched.  Cheers to Miss Pooh, Pooh bear....